The marriage counselor’s office was the only place I allowed myself to dwell on the affair. She (the counselor) made my husband come completely clean and she made me respond and express my feelings and it was hurtful. I still cringe when I think about it.
He kept saying that this woman meant nothing to him, that he had met her at work, and that he cared nothing at all about her and still loved me. He said it was a huge mistake and he would give his right arm to take it back, but he couldn’t. He never thought I would find at and he didn’t plan or expect it to be a lasting thing. He said he was under a lot of stress and wasn’t thinking clearly (yeah, an understatement). I could not keep myself from spewing nasty comments to my husband and assaulting his character and deception.
I wanted him to feel every bit of the pain that I was. I wanted to hurt him immensely both emotionally and physically. I could not believe that he had done this. I knew this was not the constructive communication the counselor was looking for, but I could not help it. This was tearing me apart. I kept thinking I was obviously not young enough, not pretty enough, or not smart enough for my husband and this was killing me.
The counselor kept reassuring me that our marriage had all of the things needed to save it. We had genuine love and empathy between us, my husband did not typically engage in this type of behavior, he was sorry, and he was willing to do whatever it took to repair the damage.
He wanted to move past it, but I could not. The feeling were eating me up. Warning, reading on is subject you to a spew of my bitter feelings, but I did eventualy get over them. You can read about that here.
Filed under: The Counselor by admin