What Finally Moved Me Forward

I thought about it for a long time, and I kept coming to the conclusion that I very much wanted to not only repair my marriage, but I just could not push these thoughts and doubts out of my head. I wanted to be happy again in the worst way, but I was absolutely stuck.

Some days, I would start to be receptive to my husband, but the nasty, negative thoughts would return to my head again, and I’d take two steps back. Before I tell you what helped me, I have to really stress here that I am not an expert, and I can’t make you any guarantees about your success or results. Please don’t substitute my advice for your own or for someone who is an expert. These are only what helped me.

In a nutshell, the truth is, if you crumble and are beaten by this, you are in a compromised, damaged state that will affect not only your self-worth but your ability to be an equal partner and have an equal voice in this marriage (and in fixing it). This inequality contributes to behavior that is not going to help things.

I have learned that there are steps that need to happen – helping the innocent party (in my case, the wife) get over the rage-filled feelings about the affair; helping the person who was cheating understand why they did and explain this to the other partner in a loving way; and working through it as a couple to address these issues, fix them, and ensure that it never happens again.

These steps sound simplistic, but honestly, they helped me sometimes to think of things more broadly, so I could easily know where I was in the process.

I also worked very hard to regain my self-worth as a woman and sexual confidence. But more on that later. I’m not sure if I would have been ready for that unless I had already begun to heal. I do believe that a healthy sex life is vital, and it makes this process easier. But it’s very difficult to have that if you don’t also have the emotional connection back. To read how it ended for me, click here.